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Talk-show tango May 17-21

In television on 05/16/2010 at 11:53 pm

Right here is where I usually try to craft some fun or pithy words in hopes you’ll read the rest of the post, but this flu is sucking the life outta me and it’s upfronts week, meaning the networks are unveiling their fall TV lineups in hopes of attracting advertisers. I’ll be adding a few bits and pieces from those fall-season revelations in between coughs and sneezing fits. You are welcome, dear. Now here is the talk-show schedule. I’m going back to bed. Tweet me if anything happens.

LATE NIGHT

Lopez Tonight (11 p.m. ET on TLN Videotron 250, Bell 700, Shaw 69 and 280)

Monday: Donald Trump (Celebrity Apprentice), Julie Bowen (Modern Family), Weezer

Tuesday: Common (Date Night), Jorge Garcia (Lost), comic Bobby Slayton

Wednesday: Chris Noth (Sex and the City 2), Chilli, Allison Iraheta

Thursday: Ryan Phillippe (MacGruber), Niecy Nash, Mario Lopez

Late Show with David Letterman (11:35 p.m. ET on CBS)

Monday: Matthew Fox (Lost), American Idol castoff Michael Lynche, magician Jason Randal, Zac Brown Band (Pass the Jar)

Tuesday: Jonah Hill (Get Him to the Greek), magician John Carney, Janelle Monae (The ArchAndroid: Suites II and III of IV)

Wednesday: Carlton Cuse and Damon Lindelof (Lost Top 10), Russell Brand (Get Him to the Greek), magician Johnny Ace Palmer, Stone Temple Pilots (Stone Temple Pilots)

Thursday: Katherine Heigl (Killers), magician Steve Cohen, Band of Horses (Infinite Arms)

Friday: Ashton Kutcher (Killers), magician Michael Ammar, Brooks and Dunn with Reba McEntire (The Last Rodeo and Keep on Loving You)

The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson (12:35 a.m. ET on CBS)

Monday: Archbishop Desmond Tutu (R)

Tuesday: Jon Favreau (Iron Man 2), Jakob Dylan

Wednesday: Dennis Quaid, Alice Eve

Thursday: Holly Hunter, The Hold Steady

Friday: Ben Kingsley (Prince of Persia), Sarah McLachlan

The Jay Leno Show (10 p.m. ET on NBC, A Channel)

Monday: Bill Cosby, Ricky Gervais, Talo Cruz (Rokstarr)

Tuesday: Michael Douglas (Solitary Man), Charles Barkley, Joe Nichols (Old Things New)

Wednesday: Eddie Murphy, Carrie Ann and Bruno Tonioli, Nas and Damian Marley (Distant Relatives)

Thursday: Chelsea Handler, Chris Matthews, Sarah McLachlan (Laws of Illusion)

Friday: Kiefer Sutherland (24), Mary Lynn Rajskub (24), Adam Lambert (For Your Entertainment)

Keeping watching this space: Conan O’Brien is headed for TBS in November; Canadian broadcasters so far tba

Until then, click this link for his Twitter patter. 140 characters of witty bits from his Legally Prohibited From Being Funny on Televsion comedy tour and occasional bits of news.

Late Night with Jimmy Fallon (12:35 a.m. ET on NBC)

Monday: Randy Jackson (American Idol), David Boreanaz (Bones), final 3 Survivor contestants, Public Image Ltd.

Tuesday: Matthew Fox (Lost), Jane Lynch (Glee), Ray Wylie Hubbard

Wednesday: Jerry Seinfeld (The Marriage Ref), Jesse Eisenberg, Mumford & Sons

Thursday: Will Forte (MacGruber), Jim Parsons (Big Band Theory), chef John DeLucie

Friday: Jorge Garcia (Lost), Janelle Monae

Jimmy Kimmel Live (12:05 a.m. ET on ABC)

Monday: Mickey Rourke (Iron Man 2), Jorge Garcia (Lost), Dancing with the Stars castoff (R)

Tuesday: Ryane Phillippe (MacGruber), Beth Ostrosky Stern (Oh My Dog), Dirty Heads (R)

Wednesday: Michael Douglas (Solitary Man), Atticus Shaffer (The Middle), Reflection Eternal featuring Estelle

Thursday: Josh Holloway (Lost), chef Adam Perry Lang, Slayer

Friday: Teri Hatcher (Desperate Housewives), Damon Lindelof and Carlton Cuse (Lost), Massive Attack

** Sunday special broadcast: Aloha to Lost, airing 12:05 a.m. following the Lost series finale, with Naveen Andrews, Nestor Carbonell, Alan Dale, Jeremy Davies, Emilie de Ravin, Michael Emerson, Matthew Fox, Daniel Dae Kim, Terry O’Quinn and Harold Perrineau, with special appearances by Jorge Garcia, Josh Holloway and Evangeline Lilly and “an exclusive look at THREE ALTERNATIVE FINAL SCENES from the minds of executive producers Damon Lindelof and Carlton Cuse.”

Daily Show with Jon Stewart (11 p.m. Comedy Network, midnight ET, CTV)

Monday: reruns tba

Tuesday:

Wednesday:

Thursday:

The Colbert Report (11:30 p.m. Comedy Network, 12:30 a.m. ET, CTV)

Monday: reruns tba

Tuesday:

Wednesday:

Thursday:

The Hour (11 p.m. ET, CBC)

Monday: Paul Henderson, Sarah Polley

Tuesday: Neil Blomkamp, Betty Fox

Wednesday: Rick Hanson, James Moore

Thursday: Raine Maida, Julia Montaner, Nancy Robertson and Billy the Kid

Friday: Cypress Hill, Danny Bhoy, Bruce Greenwood

Charlie Rose (11:30 p.m. ET, PBS)

Mr. Rose announces his guests only on the day of broadcast, so please click on the show-name link above for the most recent guest announcement.

Real Time with Bill Maher (10 p.m. ET, Fridays only, on HBO Canada)

Friday: Ayaan Hirsi Ali, Nouriel Roubini, Michael Eric Dyson, Patton Oswalt, John Fund

DAYTIME

Live with Regis and Kelly (9 a.m. ET, NBC and CTV)

Monday: Jimmy Kimmel (Jimmy Kimmel Live), Survivor winner

Tuesday: Matthew Fox (Lost), Matthew Morrison (Glee)

Wednesday: Ashton Kutcher (Killers), Miss USA

Thursday: Mike Myers (Shrek Forever After), Dancing with the Stars castoff

Friday: Cameron Diaz (Shrek Forever After)

The View 11 a.m. ET, ABC and CTV)

Monday: tba

Tuesday: Tim Hasselbeck, Jorge Garcia (Lost), Senator Fred Thompson

Wednesday: Will Forte (MacGruber), Michael Emerson (Lost), Andre Leon Talley co-hosts

Thursday: George Lopez (Lopez Tonight), Joan Lunden, Vernard “Bone” Hampton co-hosts

Friday: Michael Douglas (Solitary Man), Broadway’s Million Dollar Quartet, Mario Cantone co-hosts

The Bonnie Hunt Show (2 p.m. ET on NBC, 3 p.m. ET on Citytv)

Monday: Joe Mantegna (Criminal Minds), Aubrey Plaza (Parks and Recreation), Cynthia Stafford

Tuesday: Carol Burnette (R)

Wednesday: Lori Gottleib (Marry Him: the Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough),

Thursday: Jamie Kennedy (Ghost Whisperer), Kristin Cavallari (The Hills), Julia Morris

Friday: widow and single mom Janet Lamping, Dorothy Breininger

The Ellen DeGeneres Show (4 p.m. ET, CBS)

Monday: Queen Latifah (Just Wright), Justine Bieber

Tuesday: Steve Carell (The Office), Nikki Reed, James Taylor and Carole King

Wednesday: Robert Pattinson, Adam Lambert  (For Your Entertainment)

Thursday: Mama’s Birthday, Antonio Banderas, Weezer

Friday: tba

Oprah 4 p.m. (NBC and CTV)

Monday: Will Smith, Jada Pinkett-Smith and their children

Tuesday: Held Captive for 140 Days: Lisa Ling’s Sister Breaks Her Silence

Wednesday: Bret Michaels’ First TV Interview and Country Star Chely Wright Comes Out

Thursday: Oprah and Simon Cowell: The Farewell Interview

Friday: Live — $266 Million Lottery Winner and Living Legend Dolly Parton

— Denise Duguay

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