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Talk-show Tango April 18-22: Water for Elephants with Robert Pattinson and Oprah with ONLY 29 SHOWS LEFT

In television on 04/17/2011 at 3:59 pm

Three things to highlight for you this week:

1. Water for Elephants is hitting the cinemas on Friday and stars Robert Pattinson, Reese Witherspoon and Christoph Waltz are lounging on nearly every sofa not in reruns this week (although most ARE in reruns). The movie? It’s all hungry eyes and broken hearts and angry man with an  elephant. Same old same old.

2. Speaking of reruns, if you had to choose one show-in-reruns to watch every night this week, which of course you don’t but that’s just the kind of ridiculous suspension of disbelief that we media types like you to engage in, you should choose Late Night with Jimmy Fallon. He has the excellent (well, not bootlicking) interview with Tiger AND the much web-shared performance by Stephen Colbert singing Rebecca Black’s Friday.

3. And, now you should sit down, as I was reminded when I sallies over to the Oprah site to “research” what guests she has this week, there are ONLY 29 SHOWS LEFT, this being the final season. I love the old gal, and there’s no better way to boost yourself on a sick day, but I shall not miss the queasy business of such shows as last Friday’s “Tortured by His Own Family: The 6-Year-Old Chained in a Closet.”

LATE NIGHT

Late Show with David Letterman (11:35 p.m. ET on CBS)

Monday: Chris Rock (The Motherf–ker with the Hat), Ellen Page (Super), Funeral Party (The Golden Age of Knowhere) (R)

Tuesday: Katie Couric (CBS Evening News), The Pains of Being Pure at Heart (Belong) (R)

Wednesday: James Franco (Your Highness), Royal Bangs (Flux Outside) (R)

Thursday: Steve Martin (Rare Bird Alert), Selena Gomez (Who Says), Steve Martin and the Steep Canyon Rangers (Rare Bird Alert) (R)

Friday: Jungle Jack Hanna, Danny McBride (Your Highness)

The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson (12:35 a.m. ET on CBS)

Monday: tba

Tuesday:

Wednesday:

Thursday:

Friday:

The Jay Leno Show (10 p.m. ET on NBC, A Channel)

Monday: Matt Damon, Betty White, Cake

Tuesday: Robert Pattinson (Water for Elephants), Whitney Cummings, Alice Cooper with Dweezil Zappa

Wednesday: Kirstie Alley (Dancing with the Stars), Jon “Bones” Jones, Peter Bjorn and John

Thursday: Bradley Cooper, Rebecca Black, Duran Duran

Friday: Kourtney and Kim Kardashian, Fareed Zakaria, Mary Mary

Conan (midnight ET on Comedy Network, 1 a.m. on CTV)

Monday: Emma Roberts, Scola, Kolancy Brothers

Tuesday: Tina Fey (Bossypants, 30 Rock), Sanjay Gupta, Plan B

Wednesday: Tyler Perry presents Tyler Perry, Morgan Spurlock, The Strokes

Thursday: Reese Witherspoon (Water for Elephants), Kevin McHale (Glee), The Head and the Heart

Late Night with Jimmy Fallon (12:35 a.m. ET on NBC)

Monday: Rachel Maddowm, Colin Quinn, Tres Mts (R)

Tuesday: Russell Brand, Gayle King, The Strokes (R)

Wednesday: Amy Poehler, Tiger Woods (R)

Thursday: Howard Stern, Penn & Teller, Leon Russell (R)

Friday: Magic Johnson, The Lonely Island, Joey Kola and Stephen Colbert sings Friday (R)

Jimmy Kimmel Live (12:05 a.m. ET on ABC)

Monday: Courteney cox (Scream 4), Kunal Nayyar (The Big Bang Theory), Jessie J

Tuesday: Dwayne Johnson (Fast Five), Sammy Hagar (Red: My Uncensored Life in Rock), The Belle Brigade

Wednesday: Robert Pattinson (Water for Elephants), Shailene Woodley (The Secret Life of the American Teenager), Lenka

Thursday: Christoph Waltz (Water for Elephants), Jessica Capshaw (Grey’s Anatomy), Phantogram

Friday: tba

Chelsea Lately (11-11:30 p.m. ET on E!, formerly Star!, Videotron digital 125, Bell 621, Shaw Direct 168 and 527)

Monday: tba

Tuesday:

Wednesday:

Thursday:

Friday:

Daily Show with Jon Stewart (11 p.m. Comedy Network, midnight ET, CTV)

Monday: Jamie Oliver (R)

Tuesday: Billy Crystal (R)

Wednesday: Ricky Gervais (R)

Thursday: Tracy Morgan (R)

The Colbert Report (11:30 p.m. Comedy Network, 12:30 a.m. ET, CTV)

Monday: James Franco (R)

Tuesday: Andrew Chaikin (R)

Wednesday: Jamie Hyneman and Adam Savage (R)

Thursday: Ray Kurzwell (R)

George Stroumboulopoulos Tonight (11 p.m. ET, CBC)

Monday: Emmanuel Jal

Tuesday: polar bear special

Wednesday: Conor Grennan

Thursday: Mark Hertsgaard

Friday: Suzanne Somers

Charlie Rose (11:30 p.m. ET, PBS)

Mr. Rose announces his guests only on the day of broadcast, check the show’s Twitter account for daily guest announcements.

Real Time with Bill Maher (10 p.m. ET, Fridays only, on HBO Canada)

Friday:

DAYTIME

The Marilyn Denis Show (10 a.m. and 2 p.m. ET CTV, 5 p.m. A Channel, the latter not available in Montreal)

Monday: Jennifer Hudson, Munro Chambers and Melinda Shankar (Degrassi: The Next Generation)

Tuesday: Jennifer Hudson, Jason Lewis (Textuality), chef Michael Hinds

Wednesday: Trish Magwood, Christine Cushing, Adam Levine (The Voice)

Thursday: Virginie Martocq (Chatelaine)

Friday: royal wedding correspondent Victoria Barrington

Live with Regis and Kelly (9 a.m. ET, NBC and CTV)

Monday: Seth Meyers (SNL), Robert Pattinson (Water for Elephants), Paul McDonald (American Idol)

Tuesday: Michael Strahan (New York Giants), Reese Witherspoon (Water for Elephants)

Wednesday: Christian Slater (Breaking In), Ben Stiller (The House of Blue Leaves), Christoph Waltz (Water for Elephants)

Thursday: Bruno Tonioli (Dancing with the Stars), Kathleen Turner (High)

Friday:  Josh Groban, Olivia Wilde (House, Sun City Picture House, Cowboys and Aliens), James Blunt

The View 11 a.m. ET, ABC and CTV)

Monday: Michelle Obama and Jill Biden

Tuesday: Robin Williams (Bengal Tiger at the Baghdad Zoo)

Wednesday: Melissa Leo (Treme)

Thursday: Diana Lane (Cinema Verite), Billy Blanks

Friday: Lucy Danziger (Self), Charlie Wilson and the Gap Band

The Talk (2 p.m., CBS)

Monday: Lynda Carter

Tuesday: Courteney Cox (Scream 4, Cougar Town)

Wednesday: Julia Bowen (Modern Family)

Thursday: Jorja Fox (CSI)

Friday: Tyler Perry (Tyler Perry presents Tyler Perry)

The Ellen DeGeneres Show (4 p.m. ET, CBS)

Monday: Tyler Perry (Tyler Perry presents Tyler Perry), Wayne Pacelle, Chelsea Kane and Mark Ballas

Tuesday: Tina Fey (Bossypants, 30 Rock), Mike Posner (Cooler than Me)

Wednesday: Robert Pattinson (Water for Elephants), Cat Deeley (So You Think You Can Dance),

Thursday: Reese Witherspoon (Water for Elephants), Paul Walker (Fast Five), Jackson Guthy (L-O-V-I-N-G)

Friday: tba

Oprah 4 p.m. (NBC and CTV)

Monday: Oprah Producers’ Most Unforgettable Moments

Tuesday: The 61-year-0ld Surrogate Mom Who Gave Birth to Her Own Grandson

Wednesday: The Hollywood Shocker: From Multimillionaire to Mobile Home

Thursday: 25 Years of Oprah and Gayle’s All-time Best Adventures

Friday: tba (?!)

— Denise Duguay

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